White Men Can Jump

All I want for Christmas this year is some mad hops. And I got 'em!!! Grandma-ma taught me to use the Johnny Jump-up. Same one my pops used when he was a wee lad. I guess vertical domination runs in the family.

Chillin' with my dawg Jake.

I suppose a suppository would do

So I understand that this might be TMI, but I've been a little irregular lately. And by irregular I mean I hadn't pooped in over a week. My parents were getting worried. But after two suppositories and some apple juice...BLAMO!! I now have a three pound softball sized diaper to add to my trophy case of Liam's Greatest Hits! My dad wasn't even mad, he thought it was amazing. I'll admit it was one of my more impressive accomplishments. I'll spare you the pictures, but on your next family vacation if you want to visit the World's Largest Dirty Diaper you'll know who to call.

Does anyone know a good mechanic?

I'm having some motoring problems. I think it's the transmission. I can turn it over and rotate in place. And I can throw it in reverse and back up (daddy's worried I'll go backing up down the stairs). But I can't get into first gear and get this body movin' forward. Any suggestions? It would be a shame to have such a fine looking vehicle as myself always stuck in park.

Could someone give me a jump?

Happy creepy face.

Happy dapper face.

Happy sweet face.

That's how I roll!

It's a tough economy out there and like many Americans these days I have been spending a lot of time on my back lately. I just don't think that continuing on my back is really going to get me where I want to go in life. That's why I decided to fully invest in my rollover. So far it is paying handsome dividends. See below:

FOOD!!! and Feet

So I discovered two things recently. One is that I have feet. They are these things that kind of hang off the bottom of my legs and I kick them around a lot. They seem pretty useless but whatever. They're fun to grab onto I guess. But Hell-o!! Have y'all heard about FOOD?!! I don't mean boring old boobmilk, I'm talkin' solids baby! I've been nawshing on this rice cereal lately and I've gotta say it's probably the best thing since binkys. Check it out:

Pops feeding me that delicious goodness.

Like seriously Pops, this is as fast as you can go? Feed me, Seymour!!

Sometimes I get bored of having my manservant feed me so I do it myself.

Mmmm Mmmm Good! (That's a good tagline. I should trademark that.)

Hello there. Welcome to Liam's Learning Lesson #562: Feet

As you can see, this is my right foot.

And this is my left foot.

Either foot can be used for leisurely activities such as Little Piggies, kicking off blankets, tickle time, and spinning roundhouse kicks to the face.

But what's the best activity to do with your feet? That's right...Kicking balls! Mommy says to stick to soccer balls but any balls will do.

Got a problem with that?

Ha! I didn't think so.

Whoa! That soccer game Dad just turned on is way more interesting than you. I gotta go. Peace.

Leaked photo leads to domestic abuse allegations

WikiLeaks today released the following photo which has led to serious questions being raised about the on-again off-again relationship of internet celebrities Alice and Liam.

The leaked photo appears to show condemning evidence of Alice striking Liam in the face. Allegations of domestic abuse are providing ample fodder for the national tabloids with a notable increase in the number of paparazzi hounding the celebrity couple. Both Liam's and Alice's representatives have declined comment and no charges have yet been filed in the case.

Ominous mother-in-law

So today I went to a party sans parents. How do you ask? Did my chauffeur chauffeur me to the fête? Did I army crawl/cartwheel/crabwalk/sommersault all by lonesome? Did I risk divulging my secret ambulatory powers and take a leisurely saunter? I wish. Nope. My sorta girlfriend's mom took me. Embarrassing, I know. I mean she's cool and pretty and nice and all but she's my sorta girlfriend's mom. She could be my potential mother-in-law (i.e. according to popular television our relationship is meant to be fractious at best). There needs to be a better term than "potential" mother-in-law that really captures the essence of what that truly means. Impending? Brewing? Menacing? Forboding? She-who-shall-not-be-named? I've settled on Ominous mother-in-law although I'm open to suggestions. Leave me a comment if you have a better idea.

Alice (sorta girlfriend) and me being forced to pose for one of MANY future pictures by the ominous mother-in-law. Alice was looking very hot in her apple-bottom jeans today.

Sportin' my first kit

So I don't really have any allegiance to Die Mannschaft (German national team) but this is the only soccer jersey I have that kinda fits me right now. Regardless, I look supa-fly! Get me out on the pitch, I'm ready to kick some balls! That doesn't sound quite right. I'll work on it. Anyway, just wait until I grow into my Liverpool jersey that Mommy got from Ghana. At the rate I am growing that should be in about 4 hours give or take.

This happens at least 5 times a day now.

Wait a minute...what just happened? Where is everyone?

"Seriously guys, hahaha, you can come out now. Mom? Dad? Anyone? Hellllloooooo? This isn't funny anymore! I'm starting to freak out here! If you can hear me then say something, make a sound, ANYTHING!!"

Everyone has abandoned me. My mom was just here two seconds ago. But now I am a lone man in the universe. No more mom...dad...friends...girlfriend(s)...groupies...frenemies. What am I going to do?! Is this all just a dream?! Am I dead?! Were they all abducted by aliens?! Does the world even exist anymore?! Did it ever exist?! It's all just so confusing!!! All I can do is sit here and cry and cry!

"Waaaaaahhhhh!!! Waaaaaahhhhh!!!"

(FLUSH!!! 30 seconds later Mom returns from bathroom.)

"Hey there honeybear, it's ok, I'm back."

Phhheeewww! She's alive! ALIVE! I'm not alone anymore! Hallelujah!!

"Hi mom, I'd like my binky please."

Pickup Line Fail

So I liked the actors I hired for my last blogpost so much that I hired them again. Enjoy!

Date Night?

So the other day I tried to ask my sorta girlfriend Alice out on a date. Unfortunately, the paparazzi that normally follows me everywhere did not catch it on camera. So I hired these actors to reenact the event. Enjoy!

Latest Professional Modeling Gig

In between modeling gigs for Vanity Fair and Muscle and Fitness I decided to humor my parents and pose with them for BMW photography (check it out at http://bmwphotographyblog.blogspot.com/). Thanks to photog Brinn for taking such quality shots!

Just a reminder for all you casting directors out there. I do film as well as print. Have your people call my people.

Ladies, look deep into my eyes. You know you can't look away.

Now you know where I got my winning smile from.

What you can't see here is me using my crackberry while my Mom tries to get me to stop. It's called multitasking and guess what Mom, I learned it from you!

I'm so stinkin' adorable. Dad, not so much. That's why we always keep him in the back slightly out of focus.

Here we were having artistic differences. I did not agree to this pose since I wasn't the center of attention. It's common knowledge that if you want people to like your shot I should ALWAYS be the center of attention. Bank on it.

Here is the Le Tigre pose that I've busted out before. Never goes out of style (just like me).

Blankets beware

So every once in a while my parents (or other humans) seem to think that I need to be wrapped in a blanket. HOW DARE THEY!!! Do you really think that I, the great King Liam, need the warmth of a blanket? My hot bod and winning personality give off so much heat I'm like the sun baby! Do you really think the world is better off with my rock hard ab and bulging baby biceps hidden from view? That's right, hang your heads in shame laypeople. NO BLANKET CAN COVER ME!!! YOU GOT THAT?!!

(I apologize in advance for my mom's weird laugh at the end of the video. How embarrassing...for her.)

3 months old!!!

Boy you know, old age really gives you a whole new perspective on life. For one thing, I can totally feel it in all my joints lately. I never even knew I had joints until about a week ago. Also, I sleep a whole lot more than I used to. And I drool a lot. And my memory seems to be going. Or is it coming? Either way, life sure is different now that I'm an older man. To celebrate my mom took some pictures of me with my friends Donkey Hote and Monk. As always you're welcome ladies.

Here I'm stretching out so you can take in all the wonder and awe that is my impressive physique.

(Disclaimer: Mommy made us take this. We don't even like NY that much let alone "heart" it. If they made a "I put up with NY because Mommy forces us to" t-shirt then we'd both be wearing that.)

The fellas and I. I call this look "Sassafras".

This is our formal portrait look. I'm looking into having this framed on a 12 foot canvas and hung in our foyer. Or in the Louvre. Either one.

Donkey Hote wasn't happy with the terms of his contract so he walked out at this point. That's ok. I can carry a photospread by myself.

Here, Monk and I are illustrating the dichotomy between happiness and sadness, lightness and darkness, good and evil, etc. It's a think piece.

Is this "Blue Steel" or is it "Magnum"? You decide.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

In case it wasn't obvious enough, my mom is pretty awesome. I feel very lucky to have her and she takes such good care of me. She slaves away at the pump making me delicious homemade milk, she changes my diapers even though I use her as target practice, and she still stays up with me even when I refuse to go to sleep. Oh, and she's beautiful and gave me good genes (to offset the crummy ones Dad gave me.) I love you mom! Thanks for being born and for birthing me. You are the bestest! Happy birthday!!!

My mom's headshot from back when she was famous (meaning famous for more than just being the worlds greatest mom).

Sleepytime with mommy. (Even her armpits smell good).

Mommy bought me my new monkey friend. She always takes good pictures of me.

Mommy lets me hang out with her best friend AG. We're tight.

I love you Mommy! Happy 21st birthday!!!

Beantown or Bust!!

I know, I know, it's been forever since I last blogged. Cut me some slack though, I was on vacation! My first vacation ever! I took a little trip to see my cousins up in Boston and needless to say it was wicked awesome. Rather than tell you about it, I'll show you in pictures.

Here's me on my first ever flight at 10 weeks old. I didn't even cry once (crying is for 9 week olds).

Chillin' with my cuz Hannah. We went to see her get baptized.

Cousin Gracie givin' me grub. She was so excited not to be the youngest kid anymore.

Cuddling with Cuz Maddie aka Mommy look-a-like.

More grub time.

Uncle Aaron teaching me proper bicep curl technique.

Grandpa Clif and Uncle Aaron copied my outfit. All the ladies want to be with me and all the fellas want to be like me. I'm pretty much a sartorial savant.

This was the most comfortable position ever.

Binky time with Maddog.

Uncle Chris and boring ol' Dad.

Grace Face and Raffie.

The dudes showing off their mad ballaholic skillz.

The cousins with Grandma Carol aka The Nap Machine.

Ladies Love Cool Liam.

Uncle Goofy, I mean Uncle Greg.

Hooray for Hannah's baptism!

The whole crew.

Siblings reunited.

Chillaxin' with Pops.

Auntie Liz posing with a corn stalk. Why? Not exactly sure. But it's wicked awesome.

Skipping school to go apple picking.

Mommy claims this was the only good picture of her. Whatevs Eve.

And these ladies think I'M immature.

Maddie pretending to be Mommy. Spot on impression.

Mommy and Aunt Liz taught Hannah the age old tradition of stuffing your bra. It's called false advertising ladies. Knock it off.

This is a random hottie (Tina) who wanted to make out with me. How could I say no?

Flying home with Mommy after an amazing vacation. Thanks to all the Edwards clan for making it so great! Love you guys!