Dance Dance Revolution

"Woah Liam these are some killer plush toys. I'm totally jealous."
"I know dude, my grandparents totally hooked me up."

"Hey Cohen, you see Hazel over there sleeping? Word on the street is that she's totally crushin' on you dawg. Seriously you should ask her out."

"What?! Who told you that?"

"I heard the mommy's talkin' about it. Dude, you are so money and you don't even know it! She's been drooling about you for days!"

"I dunno man. I think I'm a little young for a serious relationship."

"C'mon dawg! I'm not saying you need to propose or anything. Look maybe it turns out to be just a one nap stand. No matter what you're breakin' her heart if you don't at least say something to her. You should ask her to dance. Chicks dig that crap."

"I'm not much of a dancer."

"That's ok, none of us are. We don't have any fine motor skills yet! Look she's waking up. Check it out, I'm totally gonna hook you up. Trust me."

"Wait! What just happened to your clothes?"

"Huh? Uh...Don't worry about it. This is totally gonna work. Sshhh here she comes."

"Hazel!!! Whazzzuppp girlfriend?! How you doin'?"
"Fine Liam. What happened to your clothes?"

"Huh? Uh..don't worry about it. So check it out, my boy Cohen over there just taught me some sweet new dances moves. Wanna see 'em?"

"Um, sure I guess."

"That was it?"
"Whaddya mean that was it?! That was awesome! Maybe I'm not doing it right. Dude Cohen come here!"

"Uh..hey there..I mean..uh hello Hazel."

"Hey there big boy. I like your shirt. You are Captain Adorable."

"Haha..um..yeah thanks. Uh.. you look nice too."

"Dude Cohen I was just telling Hazel that you're such a great dancer. Show her those moves you taught me."

"What moves?"

"Dude the moves you taught me! (Don't blow this buddy just roll with it)."
"Oh right, the dance moves..um ok well I guess I start with something like this..."

"And then follow it with uh..this move..."

"And then I finish with this."

"Wow Cohen! Those was some smokin' hot dance grooves! You are like the bestest dancer ever!"

"Uh..Thanks!"

"(Psst, dude ask her to dance! I'll hit the music.)"
"Um..Hazel do you maybe wanna dance with me?"
"I thought you would never ask!"

(music playing: It's gettin' hot in herrrre...)

Grandparents rule, regular parents drool

In case you didn't know, Grandparents are WAYYYYYYYYYYY better than regular parents. That's why they're so grand! It appears their only job is to love the crap out of me, spoil me rotten, and teach me cool stuff that regular parents clearly don't know how to do. A few weeks ago I had all my grandparents come visit. They taught me how to sleep in my crib, how to take a bath, and even how to install a storm door and tile a kitchen backsplash (if anyone needs a handyman let me know, I'm your guy). Hooray grandparents! I love you!

Grandpa Scott, Grandma Mary and Pops at the airport. (I took this pic with my baby cell phone so not the best quality).

Grandpa Bart and Grandma Becky giving me a bath. I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it even more than I did.

Grandpa Cliff and Grandma Carol at my baby blessing. Carol couldn't keep her eyes off me.

My first professional gig

Here are some pics from my first professional modeling gig. You probably won't see them on the newsstands stateside since they were for British Vogue. Thanks to my girl Lori C. for making me look so good.

What a happy family (it's all a lie, we were totally arguing at each other right before this shot).

Boy on dots.

Not my best side but oh well.

Boy in a basket. (I'm just pretending to be asleep. Pretty good acting huh?)

Check out that booty.

That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Yes, my parents left me in the road for this shot. Don't worry I already notified DCFS.

So sticking my butt in the air is basically my go-to look. I call it "The Moneymaker".

Don't come round here crampin' my style.

So the other day I was hangin' with members of my crew (aka Riley, Chase, Scarlett, and Win).

We were having all sorts of fun wrestling...

squeezing the saliva out of me...

and doing what I do best: being cute.

But then "he" had to show up. I don't care to know his real name but I call him "the one upper". You know, the guy who always tries to come in and steal the spotlight, in this case with his cuteness. Newsflash bucko: I'VE CORNERED THE MARKET ON CUTENESS!! DON'T COME AROUND HERE TRYING TO STEAL MY THUNDER!!

I mean c'mon, look at me; I'm adorable!

Check out that punk with those beady little eyes. You ain't so cute fool.

Here he is trying to get up in my grill.

I had to send him a message that there's a new king in town. By now y'all know how I roll. SUPERMAN PUNCH TO THE SNOUT!!

Ha! That'll teach him.

All My Children are The Young and the Restless in General Hospital

"Oh yeah?! Well I'm gonna go cuddle and swap binkies with your twin brother!" she screamed.
"What are you talking about? I don't even have a twin brother." I replied.
"You don't? Well I'm gonna do it anyway! TAKE THAT you backstabbing two-bit coward!!" sobbed Hazel as she slowly crawled away defeated.

That was the scene after Hazel found what she thought were incriminating photos of me and Kamryn on my iPhone.

The reality is Kamryn and I are just friends. We've known each other almost half our lives for crying out loud and it's never been anything other than platonic.

I was over at her place and she was showing me that she recently discovered her feet. I mean c'mon, that's a big deal in any baby's development. To mark the occasion we took some pictures. There's nothing wrong with that.

Try telling that to Hazel though. Geez, she's so jealous sometimes! She totally blew up about it and started getting violent (as usual).

First she pointed her finger at me accusingly.

Then she started getting physical and pushing me around.

And then out of nowhere she clocked me in the temple! I mean c'mon who does that?! Now I'm not old enough yet to know that you're not supposed to hit a girl. So what did I do?

I instinctively responded with a Bruce Lee backhand to the nose!

Followed by a powerful left cross!

And then finished her off with a devastating uppercut! When you're a trained weapon like I am you just react. I couldn't control myself.

Anyway, eventually we made up and shared some binky time. In the end I think we all learned a valuable lesson here. (1) Don't take pictures of other women's feet. (2) And don't mess with King Liam or I'll straight up knock you out fool!

I like to move it move it

So I just want to give a shout out to a brand new artist that be blowin’ up the charts right now. His name is DJ Sleep Sheep and he is flat out killin’ it dawg! Yo yo he’s got all the mad beatz! His latest track is Ocean Waves and it’ll knock you out! (Literally, you’ll fall asleep.) Don’t forget to check out his past hits like Summer Rain Showahs and Whale Songzz. If you’re lookin’ for some tunes to rock your body to sleep at night you gots to check him out. Trust me, Enya’s got nothin’ on my boy Sheepy Sheep. You can se him performing live every night in my crib. Big ups to my girl Lori L. for introducing us. Holla!

The grandmaster himself, DJ Sleep Sheep

Me and my boo gettin' down to the funky beatz.

Play that funky music white sheep.

Bustin' a move.

Peace.