I keep a very active social calendar

First of all, sorry it has been so long since my last blog post. Little did I know that parents require A LOT of time and attention. They are constantly buzzing around the house unshowered and unkempt fretting over something. They sleep like hibernating bears so I constantly have to wake them up by screaming at them. Somehow they got the idea that I love milk (classic baby stereotype) so I have to pretend to drink it 8 times a day so that they feel good about themselves (little do they know that I sneak into the kitchen at night and make myself a proper meal). Then I have to spend time "bonding" with them, whatever that means. To me it means letting my parents babble really poor grammar in my face while I stare off into space refusing to look them in the eyes. That always gets them. "Wait is he looking at me? I think Liam sees me. Wait no is he looking just past me? What is he looking at? He must not be able to see that far yet." Guess what? I CAN SEE YOU NOW LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE! My fans are waiting to meet me!

Speaking of which, this past week or so I've finally been able to spend some time about town charming the ladyfolk. Here's the recap:

Here I am visiting with Taylor and Hayley, two lovely ladies who happen to think I'm pretty stinkin' cute. They may be a little old for me but if any of you 3+ year olds out there want their digits I can make it happen.

Here's Riley, Scarlett and me. Riley is poking me in the ear which as you can see I don't appreciate. I forgive her though. Scarlett tells me amazing stories about macaroni. They love me. Still though they're a little too old for me. Sorry ladies.

Now we're talkin'! Check out the baby fat curves on Hazel! Owww! I tried to hit on her but she totally shot me down. :( You had your chance girl.

I figured that in order to improve my chances with the ladies I need a good wingman. So I found the beefiest, best lookin' dude I could find, Cohen. Seriously, check out those biceps! In this pic I tried to superman punch him in the arm and he didn't even flinch! I think we will make a good team.

Did I mention that we're both aspiring opera singers as well? Cohen is a tenor with a beautiful falsetto. I'm more of a classic baritone.

This is Alice. She's definitely a looker so I wore one of my best onesies to try and catch her eye.

She played hard to get and ignored me for awhile until I started brushing up against her shoulder. Finally she took notice.

I think she likes me. ;)

Hello Ladies...

Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now BACK TO ME... sadly, he isn't me; but he can almost look as masculine as me if he's man enough to pose au natural on a bearskin rug. If it's good enough for the great Burt Reynolds, it's good enough for King Liam. Ladies, you may commence the drooling.

Hello there beautiful.

Can I interest you in some lady romantisement?

I'm raising my hand cause I have a question. A man question.

I did this photoshoot not on a bearskin rug, but on a LIVE polar bear. Beat that Burt Reynolds.

What's missing here?

Ah, there it is! Ladies would you like some pacifier? It's vintage June 2010 blue. It's intoxicating. Like my manliness.

Rollin' with the homies

So I invited my entourage over to hang out in my crib (johnny drama and turtle were not invited). I'm not too big right now and can't roll over yet so there's plenty of room in my crib for my homies! Let me introduce you to my peeps. We got Donkey Hotay (the donkey), Reginald (the blue guy), A.G. Bear Jr. (the bear), Pooh (the other bear), and Poo (the brown gentleman). Reginald's cousin Clamy just arrived (courtesy of Uncle CV and Aunt Amy) to join our posse. Ladies, when you see us at da club holla back yo.

I'm flashing our gang sign.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.

So I've invented two new fun games to play with dad. Feel free to use these ideas cause they are hours and hours of fun. My dad almost always has a burp cloth over his shoulder (which he never uses, it's just to make him look like he's been taking care of me). So for the first game I wait until the moment he doesn't have that burp cloth and then POW! I spit up all over him! It takes a lot of patience and a keen stomach (think elk hunting) to time it just right but man when it works he starts jumping around doing a goofy dance and muttering half curses under his breath. The best part is that he eventually feeds me more milk (ammo) for my next attack! It's brilliant! Perpetual entertainment! The second game is similar to the first, only ten times better. I wait until my dad changes my diaper (not my mom, grandma, friend, etc., just my dad). I let him relax and think he's doing a good job of keeping me clean. And then when he least expects it, BAM! I pee all over him! Oh man, talk about comedy! You need to be careful with this one though as there's a good chance of friendly fire (I got myself in the face once). One time I peed all over the nurse at the doctor's office as I was getting weighed but I didn't get the same reaction from her. I think I'll stick to peeing on dad. So, if you're looking for a good time try vomiting or peeing on someone and see what happens. Trust me, it's awesome!

Here's some new photos that my Grandma Mary took of me:

This is my "I'm the cutest baby ever" pose.

Left jab to the camera.

This is my "give me a reason and I'll punch you right in the nose" pose.


When I pull this face I get anything I want.

Aaaa...aaaa...aaaa....CHOOOOOOO!

I am so gonna spit up on him right now.

Motherboy II

This was not my best photoshoot (cause I was hungry) but there's still some fun shots. Enjoy!

Baby kisses! (Single ladies, this could be you if you're interested).


Awww, c'mon mom you're crampin' my style.

Well hello there.

Mom earned a half-smile for her work.

And that's a wrap! Take five everyone!

Old McLiam had a farm...

So I was under the impression that as a baby, I could pretty much spend most of my day sleeping. Maybe that's true for some babies, but I apparently was not so lucky. Nope, I was born a workin' man from day 1. My profession? Dairy farmer. Yep, I spend at least 8 hours a day milking. That's a full time job! (Aren't there child labor laws against this kind of thing?! At least let me develop some fine motor skills before you put me to work.) My dairy cow was originally named Janet but I changed her name to Mommy cause I liked it better. She ain't no heifer; she's one beautiful milk makin' machine. That being said, it's been quite a process trying to figure out this whole milking thing. Most of the time I don't latch quite right to really get that milk out and Mommy gets angry. Sometimes she don't produce much, but other times she milks like a blue ribbon state fair champion! If I don't milk her every few hours then she gets real fussy and uncomfortable. Luckily I got myself one of those new fangled pumps that sucks the milk right out of her. Boy, that's made my life a lot easier. It frees up more time for me to go muck out the diaper stalls. Anyway, for all you future baby folk out there be forewarned, this ain't no pleasure cruise, you've got chores that need doin'.

The Birth

"Everyone has a plan... 'til they get punched in the mouth" -Mike Tyson

So there I was, ankle deep in grenade pins, trying my best to ward off my evil nemesis Dr. Pitocin. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!" I screamed at the top of my newly functioning lungs. Needless to say it was no day at that beach. How did I get into this mess you ask? Well here’s the story:

I was comfortably relaxing in my custom-made amniotic hot tub when all of the sudden all the water went crashing down the drain. I realized something fishy was going on. It was then that Dr. Pitocin attacked! Every five minutes or so he would pounce and I'd have to fight him off. While my arsenal of hand grenades, nunchucks, brass knuckles, a trident and Brazilian Jiu-jitsu were effective, the move that seemed to work the best was to use my umbilical cord as a lasso to catch and strangle this monster until he gave up and ran away. The only problem with this technique was that my heart rate kept dropping every time I did it. But hey, after three of these encounters Dr. Pitocin never came back so it was a small price to pay for victory!

As I lay there exhausted from a hard fought battle I must have fallen asleep. I had a vision that the sky above me split open and a bright beam of light burst into my little home. I saw God’s latex gloved hands reach down from the heavens and lift me out of the darkness. I didn’t know what else to do so I started screaming. I came to my senses in time to peek over a curtain at my teary eyed parents. Then I was rushed away to get poked and prodded by a bunch of random blue people with freezing cold hands. They gave me a bath, weighed me, wrapped me up and handed me to my dad. He said I was perfect (clearly a master of the obvious). I couldn’t tell what my mom was doing. She was half-smiling/half-crying and kept asking the same questions over and over. Clearly she was on some heavy medication. After that I slept.

I awoke in my mother’s arms in a pastel colored room with cheesy artwork. My mom was in pain but very happy to see me. I overheard someone say she had to have a cesarean (whatever that is) so her belly would hurt for awhile. Apparently that wasn’t the original plan so my parents were a little stressed out. It didn’t matter to me though. I was happy to be with her. She was warm and smelled good. She smelled like dinner.

We stayed in that tacky room for a few days. I slept and ate and pooped and slept and ate and pooped. Pretty much that’s all I do these days. Some days I entertain myself by trying to gnaw on these two small little hands that always keep randomly appearing and jabbing me in the face. My parents seem tired but happy.

Finally, we were able to come back to my new home. The renovators did an excellent job while I was away. I definitely approve of my new digs. My mom and I are still trying to figure out this breastfeeding thing but it’s getting better (you would think shoving a boob in my mouth wouldn’t be that difficult but it is). I’ve been able to meet a few nice people who have come over to help my parents. I pretty much screamed at them the whole time. That’s ok though, they still think I’m the cutest thing ever. It seems like I can pretty much get away with any type of behavior right now (which of course I will exploit for my own fun and enjoyment).

So to make a long story short, I’m home. Hip Hip Hooray!! Thanks to the doctors and nurses who helped make the delivery possible and a special thanks to my parents who helped make me possible (especially my awesome mom). And an extra special thanks to all those who have helped out my parents over the last few days because for awhile there I didn’t think they were going to make it. Talk about stress cases. I’m just a baby for crying out loud, I’m not THAT hard to take care of! I love you all and I’ll be sure to keep posting when I get time in between taking care of my mom and dad. Ciao!

Wazzzzup!!!

Ssshhhhh, I'm sleeping here!

Nice work mom!!!

Getting dressed for the party.

I'm not totally sure what I'm doing here, but whatever it is it's awesome.

Father & Son

I love the tase of pacifier in the morning.

It looks like I'm smiling here but I'm actually just passing gas.

This is my picture smile.

Whaddya want?

My dad didn't shower for a couple days. He smelled terrible.

My limo awaits!

Almost there...

Hooray, I'm finally home!

My beautiful mom and I