Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Press Conference

On the insistence of my parents I am reading this prepared statement:

"Let me begin by thanking you all for coming to read my blog. I hope that you have found as much enjoyment in reading it as I have found in writing it. This blog is a wonderful outlet for me to share my life with all of my loved ones. Speaking of which, I would like to personally thank each and every one of you who have showered me with gifts over the last month. My parents and I are greatly indebted to your kindness and generosity and hope to repay that kindness in the future. I look forward with great anticipation to meeting all of you very soon. I also look forward to using every diaper, cloth, cream, toy, bottle, pacifier, wipe, ointment, and article of clothing that you have blessed me with. At this time I would like to take the opportunity to apologize in advance for any ruined clothing or potential embarrassment caused by my projectile vomiting, frequent urination, and/or inexplicably large bowel movements which you may be forced to deal with when holding me. I can assure you that 90% of the time those actions are completely unintentional. I also feel that I should address the rumors that have been circulating around the womb; I have never nor do I ever intend to use any performance enhancing drugs. I thank you again for your love and support and I am prepared to take any questions at this time. Thank you."

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