Does anyone know a good mechanic?

I'm having some motoring problems. I think it's the transmission. I can turn it over and rotate in place. And I can throw it in reverse and back up (daddy's worried I'll go backing up down the stairs). But I can't get into first gear and get this body movin' forward. Any suggestions? It would be a shame to have such a fine looking vehicle as myself always stuck in park.

Could someone give me a jump?

Happy creepy face.

Happy dapper face.

Happy sweet face.

That's how I roll!

It's a tough economy out there and like many Americans these days I have been spending a lot of time on my back lately. I just don't think that continuing on my back is really going to get me where I want to go in life. That's why I decided to fully invest in my rollover. So far it is paying handsome dividends. See below:

FOOD!!! and Feet

So I discovered two things recently. One is that I have feet. They are these things that kind of hang off the bottom of my legs and I kick them around a lot. They seem pretty useless but whatever. They're fun to grab onto I guess. But Hell-o!! Have y'all heard about FOOD?!! I don't mean boring old boobmilk, I'm talkin' solids baby! I've been nawshing on this rice cereal lately and I've gotta say it's probably the best thing since binkys. Check it out:

Pops feeding me that delicious goodness.

Like seriously Pops, this is as fast as you can go? Feed me, Seymour!!

Sometimes I get bored of having my manservant feed me so I do it myself.

Mmmm Mmmm Good! (That's a good tagline. I should trademark that.)

Hello there. Welcome to Liam's Learning Lesson #562: Feet

As you can see, this is my right foot.

And this is my left foot.

Either foot can be used for leisurely activities such as Little Piggies, kicking off blankets, tickle time, and spinning roundhouse kicks to the face.

But what's the best activity to do with your feet? That's right...Kicking balls! Mommy says to stick to soccer balls but any balls will do.

Got a problem with that?

Ha! I didn't think so.

Whoa! That soccer game Dad just turned on is way more interesting than you. I gotta go. Peace.

Leaked photo leads to domestic abuse allegations

WikiLeaks today released the following photo which has led to serious questions being raised about the on-again off-again relationship of internet celebrities Alice and Liam.

The leaked photo appears to show condemning evidence of Alice striking Liam in the face. Allegations of domestic abuse are providing ample fodder for the national tabloids with a notable increase in the number of paparazzi hounding the celebrity couple. Both Liam's and Alice's representatives have declined comment and no charges have yet been filed in the case.

Ominous mother-in-law

So today I went to a party sans parents. How do you ask? Did my chauffeur chauffeur me to the fête? Did I army crawl/cartwheel/crabwalk/sommersault all by lonesome? Did I risk divulging my secret ambulatory powers and take a leisurely saunter? I wish. Nope. My sorta girlfriend's mom took me. Embarrassing, I know. I mean she's cool and pretty and nice and all but she's my sorta girlfriend's mom. She could be my potential mother-in-law (i.e. according to popular television our relationship is meant to be fractious at best). There needs to be a better term than "potential" mother-in-law that really captures the essence of what that truly means. Impending? Brewing? Menacing? Forboding? She-who-shall-not-be-named? I've settled on Ominous mother-in-law although I'm open to suggestions. Leave me a comment if you have a better idea.

Alice (sorta girlfriend) and me being forced to pose for one of MANY future pictures by the ominous mother-in-law. Alice was looking very hot in her apple-bottom jeans today.

Sportin' my first kit

So I don't really have any allegiance to Die Mannschaft (German national team) but this is the only soccer jersey I have that kinda fits me right now. Regardless, I look supa-fly! Get me out on the pitch, I'm ready to kick some balls! That doesn't sound quite right. I'll work on it. Anyway, just wait until I grow into my Liverpool jersey that Mommy got from Ghana. At the rate I am growing that should be in about 4 hours give or take.

This happens at least 5 times a day now.

Wait a minute...what just happened? Where is everyone?

"Seriously guys, hahaha, you can come out now. Mom? Dad? Anyone? Hellllloooooo? This isn't funny anymore! I'm starting to freak out here! If you can hear me then say something, make a sound, ANYTHING!!"

Everyone has abandoned me. My mom was just here two seconds ago. But now I am a lone man in the universe. No more mom...dad...friends...girlfriend(s)...groupies...frenemies. What am I going to do?! Is this all just a dream?! Am I dead?! Were they all abducted by aliens?! Does the world even exist anymore?! Did it ever exist?! It's all just so confusing!!! All I can do is sit here and cry and cry!

"Waaaaaahhhhh!!! Waaaaaahhhhh!!!"

(FLUSH!!! 30 seconds later Mom returns from bathroom.)

"Hey there honeybear, it's ok, I'm back."

Phhheeewww! She's alive! ALIVE! I'm not alone anymore! Hallelujah!!

"Hi mom, I'd like my binky please."