Future NYT Best Seller "Liam the Killer"

My friend Scarlett recently wrote a loosely biographical novel about me which I though was brilliant. When I'm the main character of course it's brilliant, but this went way above and beyond my normal level of awesomeness. So feast your eyes on "Liam the Killer". (If you would like your own copy of this masterpiece please send a check or money order for $49.99 to Scarlett.)

Author and Muse

Father's day

I don't like to feed Pop's ego more than absolutely necessary, but I have to admit he's a pretty good dad. So in order to show him so love I took a plain old white onesie and made it worth millions by signing it. The fact that I even looked in it's general direction makes it worth at least $500k. Enjoy it Pops! You deserve it.

Shouldn't there be a Happy Son's Day? Or better yet King Liam day? Ooooo or King Liam century? I like the sound of that.

Pops will look great in this onesie.

11 months old!!!

My 11 month photoshoot was a bit of a kerfuffle. Rather than bloviate about it I'll just show you the highlights. ROLL THE CLIP!!

CUT!!! I refuse to continue to pose for these photos until I start getting better treatment around here!! Haven't you heard of child labor laws!

I'm sorry what did you say Pops? Excuse me?!! How dare you!!!

Take that! ZOK!!

Back for more eh? Fine, we'll settle this like men and duke it out then.

Flying Headbutt!!

En Garde!!

My nickname isn't Turbo Bulldozer for nothin'.

We'll call it a draw then.

Oh I see how it is. Just because you're ten times my size you think you can intimidate me?

Oh please, resorting to torture eh? I could stay like this all day. Ok that's not true. I'm starting to throw up a little. I give in, I'll pose for your dumb pictures.

Here is a rather erudite pose in my library.

Happy 11 months to me!!! I'll get you next time Pops.

I'm bringin' saxy back

Remember back in the 80's when saxophone's were cool. Of course you do. I know I do (I was in my late -20's back then...those were the good ol' days). Nothing like a little George Michael "Careless Whisper" sax solo to bring a tear to the eye. Well not to worry my peeps, I'm bringin' saxy back (Yeah). Check it:

Sharky easter fussball

Ok, so my scribe is way too slow and lazy to keep up with my crazy hip-hop lifestyle, so here is a collection of recent happenings all combined into one tricked out post. What have I been up to lately you ask? Well for one thing I'm taking swimming lessons now. I'm a pro of course having swam the first 9 months of my existence. My parents don't know I can swim like a fish so it's fun to mess with them. They get mad when they try and teach me to blow bubbles but I just drink the pool water instead. I'm also slowly training them to understand that King Liam doesn't answer to No. No just means I'm going to do it even more and laugh as my parents get increasingly more frustrated. Ha! Suckers. Enjoy the pics!

LOOK OUT!! SHARK!!! No silly it's just me, Shark Liam. Yes I bite.

Mommy is trying to teach me to be more menacing in the pool. Wear your swim diapers kids, I'll scare the crap out of ya!

Or my insane amount of cuteness may make y'all throw up. Either way I'm clearing the pool.

Easter!! The Easter bunny left me a basket of goodies. Judging from my outfit he also flew me to Havana. Anyone got a cigar?

So I don't quite get what all the hoopla is about eggs. Taste like plastic to me.

Wait...wha??? Where'd those come from? Excuse you Pops! Hands off my bunny treats!

Not cool Dad.

Pops works for a German company now so I had to breakout the Deutschland kit again. This is my chillaxin' pose I've been working on. Like it?

I've also been working on my High Five.

And my slide tackle. Perfect form (of course).

And this face means we're done. Later peeps!

10 Months!!!

Many great ones have worn the #10. Pele, Maradona, Messi. Well move over punks, there's a new #10 in town. King Liam - 10 months old. Dig it.

10 months and already operating a fire truck ladder. I'm a savant when it comes to heavy machinery.

Excuse me for a second while I flex for these pics. Wait a minute...what is that?

Oh, it's my feet! Man these feet are amazing. I can grab them, walk on them, kick balls with them, kick parents in the face with them, kick unsuspecting squirrels with them...

And in case you were wondering, these feet are delicious.

Seriously guys, you gotta try these baby feet. I competed on Top Chef and served my feet on a plate. The judges immediately declared me the winner. The network suits weren't pleased with the one episode season.

Stupid Top Chef network execs.

Royals Shmoyals

Do you remember where you were during the Royal Wedding? I do. I was wearing pj's in my living room trying to convince Mom that watching Horton Hears a Who is a much better use of our time than watching 8 hours of pomp and circumstance. I mean HELLLOOOO Mom, who cares about a boring old prince getting married when you've got King Liam's wedding coming up in oh...20-30 years. Cause guess what? (SPOILER ALERT!!!) It will be the Wedding of the Millenium!!! Get used to it people.

Oh yeah? Well my royal carriage will be a solid gold diamond encrusted monster truck drawn by unicorns. Top that Prince William!